Adventures in Banking

Yesterday morning heard a ding on my phone and went to it.  A voicemail message, and call history showing that an "unknown" number had called me.  I checked the message, the first  half of which was cut off, but it from from my bank telling me something about my debit card, and to call the phone number on the back of my card.

I pulled the card - this is something I use constantly - the phone number was completely worn off.  I then went online to Bank of America's site, and 'chatted' with someone - as I know from experience you have to jump through hoops to get anyone on the phone, and this person told me that something called a "mass compromise event" (believe it or not) had occurred, and that my debit card had been shut down, and that a new card was being mailed to me, which I will receive "in 5 to 7 business days". 

I asked what the fucking hell at "mass compromise event" was and was told in some other 1984-ish jargon, that it was some sort of breach somewhere along the way involving my card, or potentially my card, and some other people's.  This doesn't surprise me as it happened once before - maybe 2 or 3 yrs ago, and also because I'm traveling about using the debit card in two different states at dozens of businesses, airlines, rental car agencies, etc.  It was bound to happen.  And it's not like any money was removed from my account, or anything along those lines.  I recall asking about this when I went to Paris last fall, and they said I would never be responsible for any unauthorized charges (didn't use my debit or credit card at all when in France, it turns out, as we had more than enough euros.)

I asked the person, or rather, typed to them, where did the "compromise" occur, and I know from experience that they pretend they don't know and won't tell you - which is complete bullshit.  Of course they know.  They only refuse to disclose the name of the vendor or business to protect themselves, as the business will undoubtedly have grounds to sue them for something or other, if they do, so I asked what state the "event" happened in - it has to be either Washington or California, and I was again told, they had no clue.  Unbelievable.

Anyway, I explained that the mailing of a card to my home does nothing for me, as I'm 4000 miles from home and won't be there for another several days, anyway, and I need money in the meantime to eat and get around.  The person said, after at first apologizing for the "inconvenience" of the situation, and after putting me on "hold" and going to ask someone what they could offer me, that I should go to the nearest BoA branch (Eastlake) and they would provide me with a temporary debit card.

So on a day I intended to rest, I got into the car and had the wonderful app called "Waze" take me to the bank, which is just a few miles from here, bordering what I think is Lake Union.  There I was helped by a youngish guy who'd purposedly shaven his head completely bald, and wore a goatee, in other words, the standard offensive male grooming that somehow passes as entirely acceptable in this day n age, named Will.  He had me fill something out, checked my IDs, and then said, oh, where did you open your account?  What state?

It's this obssession Bank of America has - you get asked it all the time - in which state did you open your account?  I mean, why they fuck should they care? 

When I told him Maine, he said, "oh,", and groaned a bit, and began apologizing that in fact, he was not going to be able to issue me a temporary debit card after all, because the east coast BoA's system does not coordinate with the west coast's BoA system.  I said, HUH?  It's the same bank, and the same country, honey!  He apologized for the "inconvenience".

I explained that the bank had told me to come to this branch and I would be given a replacement debit card.  He apologized again, and said that that person must not have known I'd opened up the account on the east coast. 

WTF???

I asked what my options were, and at first he said, well, you can take cash out right now, if you want.  I explained I didn't want to be walking around with cash.  I said, what else have you got?

He then stopped and said, hmm, let me look into this ... oh ya, you can open up another checking account, and we can give you a temporary debit card linked to that new account, and you can transfer funds from your existing account into it, online. 

So that is what we did.  He kept my old debit card, presumably to be ground up, and gave me a new red, west coast-friendly jobber.

Totally crazy, but again, I was not at all surprised, given how interlinked we all are.  I'd taken the precaution before I left home, of moving all of my money other than a small amount into my savings account, which is not linked to my debit card, so that if anything happened, it would be protected.

Maybe carrying cash with you everywhere is a good idea.